I want to stick my p in your. b.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
