All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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