I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
