Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
