Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
