Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
