okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
