i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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