I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
