everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
