When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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