i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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