I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
