he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
