Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You are the jesus of drinking
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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