dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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