I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
