it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
