i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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