Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize