so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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