I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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