I think my fart just growled at me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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