sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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