He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
