Swine flu. Run for my life!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
