I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
