IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize