i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
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The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
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We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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