you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
