Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
