i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
