I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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