I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
