I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
