I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
