he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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