Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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