Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
