My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
