i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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