I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
