I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
