There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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