i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
