Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
