FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think your dad took our porno
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
