Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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