I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
