We named our party play list daddy issues
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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