Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
