so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
