I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just had sex bonerless
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
