I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
