Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
