Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
