i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
