He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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