I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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