Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
