how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
