saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
