If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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