She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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